For the man who knows the bar is on the floor… and steps over it anyway.
This kit is part roast, part ritual, and fully designed for the self-aware dude who’s unlearning his programming and trying to do better. It’s the perfect gift for your partner, your feminist friend, your brother who’s finally listening, or your co-worker who just discovered the concept of emotional labor.
What’s Inside:
- Mediocre Trophy – A businessman with a briefcase, because showing up isn’t revolutionary
- Obsidian & Sea Salt bath bomb – A full-body cleanse for the patriarchy residue
- Votive candle labeled “Do Better” – Light it with intention. Or guilt. Or both
- Glass vial with scroll – So he can write down one thing he’s unlearning this week and keep it close
- Gemstone penis – A symbol of evolved masculinity — solid, quiet, and not interrupting anyone.
- Blank canvas + Sharpie – Draw the patriarchy. Then cross it out. Or just doodle the internalized stuff he’s working on
- Pack of butt wipes – Symbolic or practical. Use accordingly
How to Use It:
- Write down one thing you’re unlearning this week and stash it in the vial like an emotional receipt
- Light the candle, let it set the tone (and maybe your ego) on fire
- Draw it out on the canvas — what you’re releasing, what you’re reckoning with, or what needs to stay in 2003
- Drop the bomb, literally — soak in the bath like you just discovered what mental load means
- Display the trophy. Then earn it
- Let the penis keep you grounded in accountability, not entitlement
- Use the butt wipes. Enough said
Note:
The shredded paper inside is made from my own recycled mail and packaging. Color may vary based on what’s in my trash that week.
Also — thanks to global supply chain chaos and tariff nonsense, kraft boxes and vials may vary slightly in size depending on what I can source without raising prices. I hope you get it.